I grew up in a loving Christian home with my mom, dad, older brother, and younger sister. I was very shy, and afraid of everything as a child. My best friend was my cousin, Corrie. She spoke enough for both of us, so I rarely needed to talk except around close friends and family.
I accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was 5 years old. I remember it was close to Christmas time, and I had been asking my mom and dad a lot of questions about Jesus. They told me Jesus would be my forever friend if I invited him into my heart, and He would guide me through anything I faced in life.
For someone who was terrified of her own shadow, having a best friend right inside of me was a dream come true!
As a teenager, I envied those with strong testimonies, and prayed that I would have an exciting one some day! I did not think my testimony was good enough on its own. Looking back, I should have been telling my testimony long before I had my biggest struggles.
I met my husband, Sam, through Campus Ministries while in college. We were engaged in 2004, and suddenly, everything seemed perfect! I found my handsome Christian man after waiting all those years, what could possibly go wrong!?
A few months later, Sam confessed to a pornography addiction, but was quitting and begged for forgiveness. It felt like he had cheated on me… I thought we were waiting for marriage! But, I forgave him, and prayed for him. Soon after I learned from my doctor that I had a medical condition which was likely to make future intimacy with my husband-to-be difficult, and even painful. All of these questions formed in my head — but I could not voice them for some reason.
I waited, didn’t tell anyone about my fears, and my anxiety grew month by month. Finally our wedding night arrived, and it was a disaster; we were two puzzle pieces that didn’t fit, and the result was painful for me, and disappointing and complicated for my new husband. We fought about it a lot, and were both frustrated and let fear take over.
We had our first son Ethan, in 2009 — and my condition grew worse. I took a risk and opened up about my concerns to a new doctor, and was told it was all in my head. I didn’t open up to anyone again for a long time.
Our son Shawn was born three years later. I discussed my ongoing concerns with my obstetrician, and was told yet again that my issues were not real. So — I hid my pain from the world. Again.
Then, a new challenge arose in our young marriage: We discovered our son Shawn had many allergies starting from 6 months. We kept discovering new allergens up until about 3.5 years. The slightest allergen sent him into an asthma attack, and he was in the ER a lot. As I learned to advocate for my son, I was inspired once again to reach out for help for myself. A new doctor finally took my concerns seriously, and set me on a path to recovery through treatment and physical therapy.
Looking back, I can remember being nudged by my forever friend (the Holy Spirit) to seek out help sooner. But I let fear have too much control for way too long. Now I have learned to better discern the Holy Spirit’s voice, and to listen to the Lord!
My mission in sharing my testimony is to introduce others to Jesus, and to encourage the women I meet to be brave in the face of fear.
“Finding My Testimony” is Part 3 of a 3 Part Series.
Read Part 1: “How to Share Your Testimony,” here.
Read Part 2: “Why Your Testimony Matters,” here.
About the Author
Aubree Kraut lives in Michigan with her husband of 13 years and their 5 and 9 year old boys. She manages her Loving this Journey blog from home and enjoys avoiding the dishes, playing board games with her fam, working out, Bible journaling, volunteering at church, and singing in the church praise band with her hubby.
Aubree’s life verse that God continuously reminds her of (as she tries to rise above her control issues) is Jeremiah 29:11: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”